hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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