Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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