Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
