The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
