planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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