So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
