He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize