I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
