She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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