also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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