standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
