As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
