you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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