were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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