Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
