I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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