Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
