Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
You're a waste of cheezeits
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
