Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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