Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
