he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
