my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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