I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
