I will die if light touches me.
Say something about gay babies.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
