So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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