I need to stop coming to work sober
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
