I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
