so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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