If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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