ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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