i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
