im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
