i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
