He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
