u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
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