Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
