found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
