you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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