me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
