i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
