They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
