I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
