I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
