So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
