I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
