I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I just blew my weed a kiss
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
