I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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