Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
