That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
