How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
There r osticjed everywhere
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
