In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
where are you?
Hypothermia
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Randomize
