1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
