Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
