I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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