I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
