Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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