I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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