Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
