So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
