is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
