ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
