Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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