Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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