im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
