He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
