every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
