The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Fuck appropriateness.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
