Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
