Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
