my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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